No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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