just survived the first fart of the relationship.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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