I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
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