He disabled his match.com account in front of me
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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