your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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