I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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