how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
