Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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