I wish I could teleport
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Randomize
