The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
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