look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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