It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Randomize
