So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
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