ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I know her cup size but not her name....
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