Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
