dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
This is classic penis vs brain.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
