You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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