i think my tv is drunk
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Randomize