Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
