I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
