im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Randomize
