I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Randomize
