I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Randomize
