I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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