White coat. Heels.
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
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