I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
