I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
As shirtless as possible
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
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