I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
You made out with two different species that night
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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