I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Randomize
