question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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