Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
