It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
