wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
i dont even know how to be here
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
Randomize
