Joe is yelling at the trees again.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
