Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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