as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
