Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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