you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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