Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
