She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
