I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
