I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
