Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
