You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
its liver damage thursday
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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