this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Randomize
