so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
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