So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
