All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
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