in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
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