Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Randomize
