sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Randomize
