Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
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