I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Randomize
