Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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