I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
