Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
