somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
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