How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
