I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Ambien. No doubt about it.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
