Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Randomize
