I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
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