Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Randomize
