haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize