Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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