Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Randomize
