I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
