oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Randomize
