Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
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