So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
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