garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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