You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
