The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
