Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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