if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize